We seldom appreciate someone until after we are apart
It was 1982 when we moved to our current residence and being very young and yet to enter school I did not know anyone there. Recalling the yesteryear make me realise that I am not good at socialising and prefer to be on my own.
She lived across from ours and I really could not recall the moment and how we got acquainted and became friends. I guessed it occurred naturally since our parents especially my mom was close with her mom. They came from Kundasang. She was actually the fourth. She had a brother who was a lot older than me and naturally we got acquainted and if memory doesn't fail me we were like siblings rather than just friends. We did lots of things and our homes were like homes to each other but we spent those times most at ours.
She was very mobile and what remains in my mind today is her 'boyish self'. Once I asked my mom whether she was a he or a she and my mom good naturedly said of course she is a she. Being young and naive I replied " I want to be like her". Ahahaha....to be a girl instead of a boy. How naive...
When we started school, we drifted apart until she was accepted to SMESH or that time SBPS while I continued mine back home. Although, we were no longer close but I kept myself to date with her progress and one of the motivating factors helping me to be who and what I am today is her. My endeavour to excel is because I want to compete with her, a person I truly believed to be better than me.We seldom meet (We never see each other actually) and the only time was through letter back in 1992. I remember the year because that was the year in which Tunku Abdul Rahman Putra passed away.
She later continued her study and that was that. Nothing significant until 2002 if I'm not mistaken during New Year's eve. My parents asked me to her home as some sort of a companion to her husband. I reluctantly went, reluctantly because I did know exactly how to socialise with people especially those who are strangers.
Then a few years ago, together with her family she visited us during 'Eid but I wasn't there to greet or entertain her as a friend would and should be. Don't get me wrong, I do not hate her and I am not making excuses here. I know I am a terrible friend and for that I apologise.
She 's now happy with her new family and before I saw her posting in her blog I stumbled upon her picture in her niece's blog.
Why do I bring all these up after all these years? I guess its because of guilt for not appreciating her as a friend. Not a mere friend but she's like my first ever friend who accepted me as I am.Well, maybe in the future with Allah's grace we'll get reacquainted. To my dear neighbour, I am sorry for my 'reclusive' behaviour.
I know she has been reading my posts and even commented in one of my entries but the fool I am, I ignored her until today when I read her post. She did not mentioned my name but immediately I realised she was actually writing about a friend of hers whom she described as a changed person. Well, I have changed and again my sincere apology. You must be hurt having a terrible friend like me....
Dear neighbour, if you happen to read this, "Moki ampun oku noh dot nokoruol ginawo nu"
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